Mirror, Mirror
by Lia Faile
Summary: Julia seeks answers in an interactive VR program of Elizabeth's journal.


MIRROR, MIRROR

by Lia Faile@aol.com

_Talk to me Elizabeth....I have to know what you went through...When did you discover the Council wasn't everything you thought or been told it was? How did that make you feel? I have to know...What took its place....Bennett? Was he enough? Were you able to believe in anything again? Did your life ever gain a new center? Or did it drift like a ship with a broken tiller till the day you died? I have to know....Talk to me, Elizabeth._

A shadow fell across the grave site, startling Julia out of her silent pleadings. Releasing the fistsfuls of dirt she'd been clenching while her hands were resting on the grave, she sat back and wiped her hands off on her pants with a calmness she didn't really feel. Shielding her eyes with one hand, she squinted up and made out the bulky form of Yale in the glare of the noon day sun. The cyborg crouched down next to her and mutely gazed at the mound of dirt and rock that had become the final resting place of Dr. Elizabeth Anson. "These are becoming all too common," Yale finally muttered indicating the grave. Guiltily Julia looked away only to be confronted by the sight of more graves. Those of Eben Singh, Dr. Franklin Bennett, and the rest of the Council's research group. "I'm--I'm...sorry about that." An arm slide across her military parade stiff shoulders and drew her into a comforting, fatherly embrace. "It was merely an observation, not an accusation Julia." 

A few months ago, she would have shied away from any physical contact or emotional support but now she accepted it...craved it. Without hesitation, she allowed him to support her body and her soul. "If...if I'd just been able to keep her alive a few more days, a few more *hours*...I might have learned what was happening to Devon. Elizabeth seemed to know...or at least suspected something." Her eyes scanned the graves of this tiny cemetery and she wondered how many more of these she would see on this planet and how soon. "If I had better equipment, I might have saved some of them..."

"Life is one big 'if', Julia. Therein lies its joys..." the cyborg's sad, sagely eyes flittered briefly on the freshly dugged graves, "....and its despairs. You granted Devon clemency. Without your skills and quick action, she would be lying here, instead of in there." Yale's finger gestured from Elizabeth's grave towards the derelict ship. "For that I am indebted to you." 

An unintelligible bark from the distant camp drew their attention. John Danziger waved impatiently at them. Then he stood there with his hands on his hips and a scowl on his grizzled face as they stood up and made their way back to join the departing caravan.

~*~

Excerpt from Dr. Julia Heller's voice log:

Some might expect me to feel a sense of poetic justice in that I now leave behind the very woman who once left me behind, but all I feel is dread. Dread of what may lie before us and whether or not we will be able to deal with it. Though mostly dread of what we leave behind--unanswered questions. Was Elizabeth right? Will this planet reject us all? Have we become unwitting instruments in the deaths of millions? Or is Uly's tentative link with the Terrians the key to averting that particular nightmare? And what of Devon Adair? What secrets, if any, was she hiding?

~*~

"Julia?"

"What is it, Morgan?" The young woman slowed her pace but didn't stop her trek across the camp forcing him to follow in order to answer her.

"Um...I finished transferring the files Yale managed to download from EVE into the gear matrix."

Her abrupt stop caused Morgan to bump into her. "And?"

"Well...Bennett's files are totally shot, as are all the other research files." Morgan smiled weakly and shrugged. "Must have happened during the feedback surge."

"Oh..." Julia immediately resumed walking leaving him behind and forgotten as she wracked her brain wondering what she was going to do now that valuable first hand knowledge of this planet was irrevocably lost.

"But I did manage to salvage and break the access codes to Elizabeth's personal logs." Morgan gasped out as he jogged to catch up with her. "There might be something useful in them, right? Don't you sometimes talk about work in your private entries?"

She stopped again but this time Morgan was prepared and managed to avoid a collision. "Possibly!" She exclaimed eagerly as she fumbled to free her gear set from the pouch slung over her shoulder. Once the gear was freed, Julia slipped it onto her head then flipped the eyepiece in place.

"Wait. Use this."

Julia gazed down at what he was holding out to her. "Access her journal entries via VR?" She queried skeptically.

"Why not?. It'll make searching eight years of entries faster and easier. I adapted the files to be interactive. Makes it more user friendly, in my opinion."

Julia took the VR attachment from him. Absently she thanked him, took several steps to continue her journey to the med tent, changed her mind and veered off towards the woods where she would less likely be disturbed. 

"Julia?"

She stopped and turned, "Yes Morgan?"

Morgan looked around at the busy camp and scuttled over to her so he wouldn't have to shout and be overheard. He coughed and tugged nervously at his jacket as he searched for the words he wanted. "I--I didn't mean to kill those people. I thought I was doing something right...for a change."

Julia put her excitement over Elizabeth's files on hold to pass on to Morgan the gift of support that Yale had given to her. "You didn't kill those people, Morgan. EVE did. Fifty years ago when she crashed their ship into the planet instead of sending them home. Those first generation cryo-systems weren't as reliable as the ones we have today. As desperate as things had gotten, I would eventually had been forced to make the same decision you did. I doubt I could have saved any of them even if I had all the equipment on the Stations at my disposable. The majority of them died peacefully. We were able to keep Franklin and Elizabeth as comfortable as possible. Neither they or any of us blame you Morgan."

"Th-thanks," he croaked out as he flashed her an appreciative grin. "Bess told me nearly the same thing, but sometimes I think she says things just to make me feel better."

"Well, this time she didn't." Julia assured him before slipping into the seclusion of the woods.

~*~

Once she found a spot where she'd be guaranteed privacy, she popped the VR eyepiece in place. The woozy sensation of shifting realities immediately hit her when she accessed the program and she instinctively closed her eyes. When she reopened them a moment later, she found herself standing in a geodesic dome very similar to the one they'd stayed at for the winter. Only this one was larger and crammed full of archaic, bulky equipment. On the far wall was a desk with Elizabeth Anson seated at it. Julia's approach activated the program and the VR Elizabeth turned to face her.

"Who are you? What are you doing here?" She demanded sharply.

Morgan must not have completely wiped the security function when he disabled it, Julia mused. "I'm Dr. Julia Heller of the Eden Project."

"I don't know you or that project."

"No....you wouldn't...both are after your time."

"What do you want?"

"I need any information you might have about human habitation on G889."

"Humans cannot live on G889."

"Mind clarifying that statement for me a little? Probes reported almost a 90% viability factor for this planet."

"Humans cannot live on G889."

"Nothing we've encountered here yet has..."

The VR Elizabeth shot to her feet, slammed her fist down on the desk and angrily shouted, "Humans cannot live on G889!"

"Why?"

"Because we don't belong here," she quietly answered. She regain her composure and retook her seat. "Have you ever heard of the Gaia Hypothesis?" She asked in a more professional voice.

"Yes I have. We studied it at the Institute though it is still considered highly controversial and was taught more metaphorically than theoretically. Simply stated, the Gaia Hypothesis considers a planet a superorganism that has the ability to regulate its environmental conditions in order to sustain itself, just like the human body maintains its temperature, water content, O2 and CO2 levels as well as other conditions at a relatively constant state to keep the body alive and healthy."

Elizabeth nodded impatiently. "Yes, yes...but this planet pushes that hypothesis to extremes that neither Lovelock or Margulis dared to imagine. And the hypogean life forms play some sort of critical role with this planet. Possibly the epigean life forms too but at a far less obvious level then the subterranean dwellers."

"This is all very interesting but I don't see what the Gaia Hypothesis has to do with whether or not humans can survive here."

"It has everything to do with it!" Elizabeth rubbed her forehead in exasperation. "Like the human body, everything on this planet serves a function. We on the other hand, do not. As far as this planet is concerned, we're nothing more than parasites to be routed out." Elizabeth shook her head sadly, "Hell, considering what we've done to our own planet, perhaps that's all we are."

"No, I don't agree with that. I just think our ability to create new technologies out paced our ability to foresee the impact on our planet as a whole. When we finally did, it was too late. The Cascade Effect was already taking place. All species are preprogrammed to exploit their environment. Humans are just a million times more efficient at it. Plus being at the top of the food chain, we had no predators other than micro-organisms to keep us in check. Once we irradicated just about every disease, there was nothing but ourselves to stand in our way."

"Interesting stance. Is that based on theory or personal opinion?"

"A little of both I guess."

"Are you a sociobiologist?"

"No, I'm a physician. Since encountering the Terrians I've been studying other fields in my spare time that I thought might help me understand them better."

"Terrians?"

Julia smiled and tucked a flyaway strand of hair behind her left ear. "That's what the hypogean life forms call themselves."

"You've actually been able to communicate with them?" Elizabeth got visibly excited. "We didn't think it would be possible. We knew they lived in highly organized social structures, but so do ants and bees. They demonstrated a type of hive mentality, but even Bennett had doubts about the extent of their conscious level." She smiled a truly genuine smile then. "We would argue for hours over things like that. Sometimes I think he would take an opposing view just to see me get all worked up."

"You two seemed very much in love."

"Not at first. He resented having me foisted on him by the Council and I thought he was a smug, overbearing, domineering scientist who was too full of himself even if he was the top in his field."

"What changed your opinion of the Council? Your records seem to indicate you were a loyal Patriot. What happened? Did it have something to do with Bennett?" 

Elizabeth's smile faded and she gave Julia a piercing stare. "You're with the Council," she didn't ask that but stated it flatly.

"I was..." Julia found herself suddenly unnerved. "...but not anymore."

"No one leaves the Council."

"You did, Elizabeth."

"No, I ran away from the Council. There's a difference."

The older woman glanced around the room then turned back to Julia. "I'm dead, aren't I?" She asked quietly, her forehead slightly furrowed. "The Council always dealt harshly with traitors, both percieved and genuine."

"Yes. You never made it back to the New Mars Station. In fact, you never made it off G889. We buried you next to Bennett."

"Thank you," she whispered.

Julia had to remind herself that this was just a simulation of Elizabeth Anson created from her personal files. Even so, she found it difficult to ignore the emotional responses this interaction was evoking in her.

"You helped us while you were alive, Elizabeth. I'm hoping you still will. You mentioned that the planet would reject us but you died before you could elaborate further. I was forced to place one of our members, our leader Devon Adair, into cold sleep to prevent her from dying of a sudden and total systemic collapse."

"I bet you thought this place was paradise when you first got here, right?" Elizabeth mused softly giving Julia a knowing look. "Of course you did. 'Eden Project' says it all. It is paradise. Bennett and I thought the same thing when we first arrived here...but we'd forgotten that we were banished from Eden for sinning. Somehow we managed to slip back in, but don't delude yourself that God plans on letting us stay."

"You'll have to excuse me, but I'm not a very religious person."

"Neither was I. Before I came here, science was my religion," she paused and laughed bitterly, "and the Council was my god."

"But not any more?"

"I still believe in science. Though I realized I didn't know it as well as I thought. But the Council....I found out the Council was a false god years ago."

"Were you sent on this mission to spy on Bennett and the others?"

"Spy? What an ugly, uncouth word." She smile brittlely, "No, I was sent to monitor and relate all activity, however pertainenant or insignifcant I might deem it, of Franklin Bennett and his research group to better serve the greater good....The greater good being whatever the Council wanted it to be, of course."

"Did Franklin ever find out?"

"Oh, I finally broke down and confessed in a tearfully dramatic scene one day."

"What did he say?"

"He just smiled and said in his sweet, sarcastic voice, 'My dear, do you really think you were the first pretty, young assitant that the Council ever threw at me?' Then he kissed me and we never spoke anymore about it after that."

Elizabeth gazed at Julia with a knowing, bitter-sweet expression on her face. "It's a bit frightening, isn't it? Being on your own. Having to make choices and decisions based on what you want instead of doing what the Council wants."

"Yes..."

"Feeling lost without your Compass of Council Directives."

Julia's bottom lip trembled slightly, "yes...."

"Longing for something or someone to dedicate your life to again, to give your life an anchor."

All Julia could manage now was a nod.

Elizabeth leaned foreward in her chair and stared fixedly at Julia. "Whatever you do, make sure that person that you place all your new faith in is yourself."

Julia flashed Elizabeth a perplexed look and shook her head slowly to show she didn't understand her meaning.

"The Council didn't betray you or deceive you, Dr. Heller. You did. It didn't just suddenly change overnight. Like me, you just refused to look passed its pretty wrapping because it made you uncomfortable. It was easier--safer--to let the Council run your life for you. Don't be so eager to make the same mistake twice. Believe in yourself, be honest with yourself and you'll never wind up a dupe again."

Elizabeth suddenly stopped and stiffened. Julia noted her change in behavior. "What's wrong?" she worriedly inquired. "We're being monitored," Elizabeth whispered as she systematically began to search the lab. 

"By whom? EVE?" 

"Not EVE. She's too thorough to allow herself to be detected." Elizabeth stopped in front of a row of cabinets. She glanced at Julia and silently pointed at one of the doors. Cautiously, Julia advanced until she stood beside Elizabeth. Nodding once, she indicated her preparedness. Elizabeth reached down and yanked open the door. Both women jumped back instinctively as the cabinet door banged against its fellow doormate. Julia swallowed her hammering heart when she recognized the familiar form of their uninvited guest. "True..." she sighed with both relief and irritation.

Crouched in the cabinet, True stared up at Julia with a strange look in her wide eyes. "I'm sorry, Julia," she mumbled before she reached up to her head mimicking her real body's motion of tearing the gear set from her head. 

"True, wait!" Julia held out her hand in a 'stop' gesture but the girl was already gone in the blink of an eye. Glancing at Elizabeth, she told her she'd be back and tore her own gear from her head. Julia allowed herself just a moment to readjust to the shift back to reality. When the dizzy sensation from the abrupt disconnection from VR passed, she looked around for any sign of True. Spying her in the trees heading back to camp at a fast trot, Julia yelled out to her. "True! Don't make me chase you again!"

Experiencing the same eerie sense of deja vu, True froze and turned. She reluctantly waited as Julia strode purposefully towards her. When Julia was just a few feet from her, the tears that True had been holding back broke free of their banks and flooded down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Julia. I didn't mean to spy on you. It was an accident." she sputtered between sobs. 

Julia paused and arched a delicate brow at the bald faced lie. "An accident? You just happened to tune in on this specific VR frequency?" 

True cast her eyes downward. "Please don't tell my Dad," she sniffed. "I've been trying to be good for him so he can concentrate on leading us to New Pacifica."

Julia knelt down and eyed the woeful girl before her. Try as she might, she couldn't feel anger towards her, just curiosity. "I won't tell your father," she replied. "But," she added when True looked up with a tremulous smile, "you have to tell me why." 

True wiped her running nose with the back of her sleeve before answering. "Everyone's been acting so weird ever since Devon died."

"Devon isn't dead, True." Julia softly corrected.

"Well she might as well be!" Her tears were instantly dried by her sudden rage. "She's not coming with us! You don't know what's wrong with her...or how to fix it!"

"No True,...no, I don't know what's wrong with Devon or how to help her....yet." She took True's balled hands into hers and gently rubbed the backs of them until they unclenched. "Is that why you were spying on me? You wanted to find out if Elizabeth's files could help her?"

True gnawed on her bottom lip and didn't answer. Instead, she asked a question that took Julia by surprise, "Did you really feel that way? When you were working for the Council?"

Julia nodded and squeezed True's hand slightly. "Yes. I was scared....confused....I didn't really like myself much then." Julia paused and looked off into the distance at something only she could see. "In a way, I was relieved when you caught me and told on me. Even when I was denying your accusation, secretly I was hoping they would believe you over me. It was like this huge weight was lifted off my chest. If you hadn't caught me, who knows how far I'd have carried the charade? I might have eventually given in and turned the group over to Reilly. Or if I'd waited until I was brave enough to admit the truth on my own, it might have been too late...." Julia eyes drifted back into focus and locked on True's. "I never thanked you for that. What you did was brave and you demonstrated loyalty to your family and friends."

"But...you got kicked out because of me."

"That was the decision of the adults, True. It wasn't your fault. What you did was make me face myself and reexamine the choices I'd made or allowed to be made for me. Because of you, I was able to reclaim my self-respect."

"But you lost something too....That's what you were talking to Elizabeth about."

"You could say I had....a crisis of faith. The Council was all I'd ever known. I believed in it in with every cell of my body. The Council literally created me. In return, I served it faithfully, without question. The questions didn't start to come until we crashed here. That was a very difficult time for me...It still is."

"It felt like you'd ridden the Freefall Gyro-coaster at the Disney Station six times in a row right after eating three mega-franks with the works, huh?"

Julia smiled and nodded. "Yeah, that's a pretty good description of it."

"That's kind of how I felt when I found out you were a spy. I thought you were our friend. After you saved my Dad that first time, I really looked up to you. I sorta...kinda...wanted......to be like you. But then you turned out to be a spy and I figured everything was just a big fat lie and you didn't really care about me, my Dad, Alonzo or anyone."

Julia nodded mutely amazed at True's insightfulness. She was going to be a force to be reckoned with when she reached maturity. Julia silently swore to herself that True would get the chance to achieve her full potential. She didn't care what Elizabeth, Franklin, Reilly or EVE said. These people here believed in her, trusted her. They gave her something the Council never would have--a second chance. She wasn't going to screw it up.

"I'm sorry that I disappointed you, True. It wasn't my intention to betray you physically or spiritually. I'm going to work very hard to re-earn your respect because your respect is very important to me. More important than anything the Council could ever give me." Julia paused and gazed down at the pair of gear sets and an idea took shape in her mind. "True, would you like to help me research Elizabeth's files?"

"Really?" True perked up and smiled. "You really want me to help?"

"Yes, yes I would," Julia answered with her own smile. "I could use an assistant and you're definitely bright enough and a quick study. One thing I've learned from this planet is that we work best when we work together."

"Okay!" True and Julia slipped their gear and VR eyepieces back in place and together they set out to learn what they could of Elizabeth's files, the planet, and each other.

End 


End file.
